Statement of the Bishops - (satire)
by TGRAFFGA April 30, 1998
Dear Boys and Girls,
I know that you are all VERY disappointed by this hard, hard decision that we've had to make, but really and truly, we think this is best. (Later on when you've had time to calm down and think this through like we did, we KNOW you'll be happier).
Now, ..... if you all could just take out your crayons and cross out these following Scripture passages. (Some of our friends feel uneasy when they hear these verses, so we thought it best to just cross them out.)
There!........ Now don't we feel better?
Good. ....You know, kids, sometimes it's so much fun to re-imagine old stories, don't you think? Good. We think so, too.
Next year we'll have even more for you to color through. Maybe we can even use our scissors by then and cut out entire chapters! Won't that be fun? Yes indeedy-do. We do, too!
OK. Before we go to recess, we want you all to put your lunch money in the plate by the door so that we can feed the hungry children all over the world. (And lobby our friends in Washington so that the Free Choice Clinics can stay open.) Pretty soon we'll have enough money saved up to actually feed those thousands of children like yourself who are starving each day! Why, if the stock market keeps going up, kids, we'll have close to a BILLION dollars in assets! Just think of the starving children we could save with THAT kind of money! Wow! (I'll bet they can't wait!)
OK. Now run out to play.....and don't forget to come back!
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