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Methodist Sees Clinton's Lack of Repentance of Sexual Addiction as a Cause for Grief and Call for Help

Reactions Re: Bill Clinton's Speech
by Don Joy, Asbury Theological Seminary

Mark Kennedy and others have asked how I am processing the Bill Clinton 5- minute speech Monday night, August 17. So I'll grieve with you again.

In January I wrote a litany of grief - about how all of us are losers because of his tragedy. I also commented that a childhood of abuse and "compensatory" survival strategies had put him into multiple addictions. The "piling on" and bashing continues - and with obvious justice for his blatant lies now proved.

But there is no clear repentance.

Ruth Shipps, octogenarian friend of ours in Wilmore's Wesley Village said, "I watched that speech, and something was wrong. I don't know what it was, but something was wrong." Orin Hatch of the judicial committee of Congress said: "The attack on the investigation was pitiful." Larry King, Jewish talk show host pushed his guests, "Isn't the bottom line of Christianity forgiveness?

"I have repeatedly cautioned that "all addictions are driven by shame." The addictive behavior alters reasoning and pulls people into high risk, unthinkable behavior leaving friends and family baffled that they can't just "stop it." Each "high" compensates for the personal feelings of emptiness or worthlessness. Eventually the high risk adrenaline seems "normal" and without risk and its subsequent "high," life is too dull to live. We tend to attack the symptoms, not the roots of shame, and only succeed in driving our friends and family members deeper into shame - which triggers yet another addiction and more and more efforts to compensate for feeling rotten and worthless.

William Jefferson Clinton gave just under five minutes of classic, tragic, case material to document how a "shame driven" person attempts to self-protect from public shame by shaming and blaming other people. For more than 20 years I have urged students of ministry to be alert to people trapped in shame and to stick with them until they can transform shame into healthy guilt.

I have reported that no confession which is "shame driven" can lead to true repentance, so forgiveness is meaningless and not on their agendas. Such people are so fragile that they simply fear collapsing if they ever did tell the whole truth and apologize to specific persons who have been damaged by their behavior. Only a sense of healthy "guilt" owned with sorrow, full disclosure, and reconciliation leads to repentance, restitution, and integrity. I havecautioned everyone even that tears from a person "caught" must not be confused with a good confession, and that anyone trapped by law or facts cannot move toward genuine sorrow and repentance until the shame is faced and healed. Remember Esau who "was a fornicator" and sought his way back with tears, but to no avail"? [See Heb. 12:14-17.]

Here are the definitions I've read since the late 70s when Thomas Lickona's Moral Development and Behavior came along: "By shame I mean the feelings of inferiority, humiliation, embarrassment, inadequacy, incompetence, weakness, dishonor, disgrace,"loss of face"; the feeling of being vulnerable to, or actually experiencing, ridicule, contempt, insult, derision, scorn, rejection, or other "narcissistic wounds.'"

James Gilligan, the contributor to Lickona's book goes on, "By guilt, I mean the feeling of having committed a sin, a crime, an evil, or an injustice; the feeling of culpability; the feeling of obligation, the feeling of being dangerous or harmful to others, and the feeling of needing expiation and deserving punishment."

Clinton' s childhood, scarred by abandonment, divorce, abuse by a step-father, and caring and covering for a mother with multiple addictions no doubt devastated him and set him searching for something to compensate for his losses and deficits and to make him feel loved. Competitive ambition and getting sex from women evidently were two "compensatory" fixes that worked for him then and now. It is not uncommon with CEOs that their workaholism and competitive climbing in the workplace are their compensation for an empty spot - a hole in the soul.

In his "Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction," Patrick Carnes reports that addictions tend to come in multiples. On one of his tapes he quips that 80% of people with one addiction have two; 60% of people with one addiction have three. They tend to ride one addiction to a "high" and when they crash from deeper shame, they turn to a second, then a third to lift them to a sequence of adrenaline highs.

I worked on these symptoms in my book, "Men Under Construction" in two chapters on "Surviving: Toughness That Protects" and "Meltdown: Recovering Security." Call Evangel Publishing at 800-253-9315 if you want to look at my diagram of shame-driven compulsive behavior, and the only strategy I've ever seen that tames and heals the shame.

John Bradshaw's book "Healing the Shame That Binds You" offers alternative strategies for managing toxic shame. Health Communications in Florida handles it at 800-851-9100.

So join me in grieving for Bill Clinton, and all the more because he is trapped in an office from which he is unlikely to "go for help." Where are Bill Hybels and Tony Campolo - whom he evidently trusted in confidential prayer retreats over several years in the White House?

Bill Clinton has clones by the millions in the culture [yes, indeed!], and many of them see his compulsive life as a mirror of their own. He is "one of us" to many of them, and is a parable for all of us, since all of us bear the marks of Original Shame with its sensations of worthlessness.

Anybody ready to walk Bill Clinton through this dark valley and see him through to integrity and godly sorrow that leads to repentance and transformation?

Donald M. Joy, Director
Center for the Study of the Family
600 North Lexington Avenue
Wilmore, KY 40390

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